What Is Family Constellations?

Family Constellations was developed by Bert Hellinger, a German psychotherapist in the late 1980s. Earlier in his life, he lived among the Zulu people in Africa, where he was deeply struck by the harmony within their communities. What fascinated him most was how conflict was handled. When disagreements or disruptions arose, they were addressed collectively through a process that closely resembles what we now call family constellation work.

For Hellinger, this was far more than a therapeutic technique. It was a way of understanding life itself. When he returned to Germany, he sensed that Western psychology was overlooking something fundamental. He began to explore this missing piece more deeply, and over time, Family Constellations emerged as a structured therapeutic approach.

At the heart of this work is the healing of the family story through acceptance, respect, and acknowledgement. The family is the first system we belong to, and it shapes us whether we are aware of it or not. If there is unresolved pain within that system, it does not stay in the past. It influences every other system we enter, friendships, intimate relationships, workplaces, and our relationship with ourselves.

Unmet anger, grief, depression, or conflict does not disappear simply because time passes. It travels with us. Family Constellations offers a way to face what happened, to make peace with it, and at the same time to step out of unconscious repetition and live differently from previous generations.

Each person carries both a conscious and a subconscious story. Consciously, you may know what happened and be able to talk about it. Subconsciously, something deeper may be at work. Someone might say, “I hate my mother,” while beneath that statement lives a profound longing for love and connection. This work helps bring the conscious and subconscious back into alignment, allowing what was unspoken or denied to finally be acknowledged.

Although each of us is an individual, we are also part of a larger system. Human beings have an innate need to belong. Every ancestor, every event, every trauma and loss contributed to who you are today. Your life is not random. It exists within a wider context. This is why the phrase is often used: it did not begin with you, but it can end with you.

When patterns repeat in families, addiction, illness, absent parents, or repeated loss, it is not a curse or a punishment. It is often an attempt to maintain belonging. To belong, we need to be seen, heard, and recognised. Repeating a family pattern can be an unconscious way of staying connected to those who came before.

If addiction runs through several generations, choosing a different path can feel like separation. On a deep level, repeating the pattern may be less about self destruction and more about loyalty and love. As uncomfortable as it may seem, the behaviour is often an attempt to remain part of the family system.

At the same time, every family system seeks reconciliation and balance. Each new generation offers another opportunity for healing. Someone may reach a point where they decide not to pass the pattern on any further. By acknowledging the pain that has moved through generations, space is created for something new.

When this happens, the healing is not only personal. It is systemic. The choice to step out of an inherited pattern is said to affect seven generations, three before you, three after you, and you at the centre. This is why Family Constellations is considered work that heals both the individual and the wider family system.

As Søren Kierkegaard observed, life can only be understood by looking backwards, yet it must be lived forwards. Family Constellations allows both understanding and forward movement to exist together.